the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
