Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
