Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
