Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
