Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
