I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
