I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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