So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
