somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
