He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
