fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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