You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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