Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
