I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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