He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
