An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you will always have a special place in my vag
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
