don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
