You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
