I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
