im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
