Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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