The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
