so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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