I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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