Buhtt sex?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
