so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
