I wish I could teleport
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
