I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
