This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
