I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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