I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
