The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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