I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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