non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
