i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
