Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
