Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
