Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
3pm strippers are depressing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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