they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
