I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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