FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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