so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
