I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
