So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
