Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
