My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't deserve a penis
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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