i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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