My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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