I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
