He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
