i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
