a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
