So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will