imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago