..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....