I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.