If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
