Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
