The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
