When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
