I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize