i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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