i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
