You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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