she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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