I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
