Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
