and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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