This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
