He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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