I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
