what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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