I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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