Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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