do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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