this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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