I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
