My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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