Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
