I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
